Press conference
FAQ
The big one
Is this affiliated with OpenAI, Anthropic, Meta, Google DeepMind, xAI or anyone else?
No. POACHED is not affiliated with, sponsored by, or endorsed by any company or person on this site. It is an independent parody store commenting on the AI talent wars. Logos and trademarks belong to their owners.
Do the players get a cut?
No, and they did not sign off on this either. That is why anyone on the roster can remove themselves in one step, no questions asked.
I'm on the roster and want off.
Use the opt-out form linked at the bottom of every page. We remove your jersey within 24 hours and cancel unshipped orders with your name on them.
Where do the facts come from?
Public sources only: company announcements, papers, reputable reporting, people's own public profiles. Every player page has a Receipts section linking each claim. Number reasons that are jokes read like jokes.
Shipping
Where do you ship?
United States only for now.
How much is shipping?
Jersey Tee: $4.99 for the first, $2.49 for each additional. Pro Jersey: $6.99 for the first, $2.99 for each additional. Tees and Pro Jerseys are made by different US print shops, so a mixed order ships as two parcels. You see the exact amount before you pay.
How long does it take?
Every jersey is printed on demand, which usually takes 2-5 business days, then standard transit (typically 3-7 business days). You get tracking by email when it ships.
Returns
Can I return it?
Each shirt is printed just for you, so we cannot take returns or exchanges for fit or change of mind. Check the sizing notes before you sign.
It arrived damaged or misprinted.
That one is on us. Email hello@poached.fyi within 30 days with your order reference and a photo, and we will reprint or refund it.
Sizing
What sizes do you have?
XS, S, M, L, XL, 2XL, 3XL, 4XL. Unisex fit. Bigger sizes cost a little more to make: 2XL +$2, 3XL +$5, 4XL +$8.
How does it fit?
Unisex and true to size. Between sizes? Size up. Nobody ever got poached for a baggy jersey.
The jerseys
What is the Jersey Tee?
Sport-Tek colorblock performance tee in 100% polyester, with a contrast CamoHex-print shoulder and sleeve panel. Lab mark on the chest, name and number on the back. $25.
What is the Pro Jersey?
All-over sublimated sports jersey in lightweight 100% polyester. The whole kit is dyed into the fabric (body, sleeves and collar), and each one is printed and sewn to order in the US. $30.
Why is the Jersey Tee white?
It's a real Sport-Tek colorblock performance tee, not a printed illusion: the body is always white, and the shoulders, sleeves and collar carry the team colour with a subtle hex-camo (CamoHex) texture. Name, number and lab mark are printed on top. Want the whole shirt in team colours, home or away? That's the Pro Jersey.
Can I put any name on a custom jersey?
Up to 12 characters (letters, spaces, . - '), any number 0-99 or 00, on any team's kit. We skip orders that are hateful or harassing.